If I were asked to describe Canada with one word, it would be 'conservative'. Everyone, especially from Toronto, typically behaves in the same conservative, non-offensive and polite manner regardless of ethnicity. Or, at least they try. You can just about rely on a native Torontonian to hold doors open for you, say thanks and apologize whenever necessary and be as quiet as possible in a movie theatre.
One area that causes many people of this city some concern, however, is how do we describe each other or what do we call each other. I have found that many of my friends of different ethnic backgrounds seem to have some trouble with what to call people from other races. It is always a heap of fun for me when I hear them stumbling with "Black, Afro-Canadian... What's the right word?" I have even been called African American, even though I'm neither from nor in America. I've also been called 'tanned', which I really like, but people might think I look like Bo Derek. (Bo who?)
Sometimes people - usually other than my brothers - call me 'sister'. Others refer to me as Brown, which is not my favourite colour; I'm more of a dark chocolate brown really. I also despise when little Gino boys on the street call me "hot chocolate' when I walk by. Oops, is Gino an offensive term?
I even find that I feel a bit awkward when I have to describe myself to someone who has never met me, usually because I don't want them to feel uncomfortable.
"Well, I will be wearing a black dress, black shoes and a black hat, um, and I'm very tanned." Okay, I have never said that. But why is it such a difficult subject for so many? Again, we are dealing with a group of people who really don't want to offend anyone, so people would rather skirt around the word and pretend that I'm not a different colour at all.
This is not an issue only for Black, Afro-Canadian, Brown or whatever, people. It is an issue for people of all different ethnicities. The only people I have never heard complain about what they are called are White people. I have never heard a White person say: "I prefer to be called Anglo-Canadian, pinkish-peach or pigment-challenged."
Recently, I was harshly corrected by a non-Chinese person for calling a Chinese person Asian. This person, who was actually pinkish-peach, told me that Chinese people prefer not to be called Asian and that the term Oriental was more acceptable. But I have Chinese and Filipino friends who call themselves Asian, so what does he know?
The fact is that everyone is confused. Not only are the pigment-challenged folk confused, but everyone who is a visible minority is confused. I have no problem being called Black. My favourite colour is black. Mostly everything in my closet is black. Black makes me look skinny. Black can make every other colour disappear. Why would I want to be anything else but Black?
Sure, we may be descendants of Africa but I personally have never been to Africa. As I understand it, there are White, Indian and Middle Eastern people from Africa, so how do you differentiate? Technically, I could be White and African. Afro from Afro-Canadian could mean Black, but then there's that word, 'afro' and I don't have an afro, so why would I want to be called an afro? Perhaps I should be called Caribbean-Canadian? But I wasn't born in the Caribbean. And, anyway, there are so many different races in the Caribbean that this could mean Black, Hispanic, Chinese, Indian, White and a number of other races or a mixture of some or all of them. All that hot sun, you know.
Besides, I'm already tired of the frequently asked question: "What island are you from?" I'm standing in Toronto, I have a Canadian accent, yet people assume that I must be from somewhere else and when I tell them I was born here, then I hear: "Well, where are your parents from?" Yes, my family is from Trinidad, but can we have more original questions please?
Back to those mixed race individuals? What are they to be called? I have been told off for calling someone Mulatto. He said, "I'm not a flavour of ice cream you know." That's too bad, because Mulatto sounds yummy. Then I called him a half-breed. "Okay, so now I'm a horse?" he replied.
But I have met another 'mixed' person who turned up his nose at being called 'mixed'. I think it's safe to say that everyone would like to be called whatever they would like to be called and there will never be a general consensus. I may be okay with 'Black', but someone else might hate that and prefer to be called 'hot chocolate.'
So it's actually okay to be an overly conservative Canadian and try to skirt around the word until you can find the right one. Toronto is unique because of all the different ethnicities that are forced to co-exist: It only makes sense that we would all be confused. But it's better to be confused and concerned about offending than not caring at all.